But why does fancy coffee smell like poo? And why, despite it smelling like poo, do people actually pay more for it, as if it is some sort of priviledge to drink poo-smelling coffee?

I was in the Indigo book store in the mall yesterday. There is a Starbucks coffee shop inside the book store. As I walked by, I could swear that I smelled poo.

“Is that… poo?” I thought to myself. “No, wait. That’s coffee! Coffee that smells like poo!”

The best part is that I’m not making this up. It really did smell like poo. And people were there, drinking it. I swear, if you were to blindfold me and made me take a smelling test in which you alternated samples of poo and Starbucks coffee, I would likely not be able to tell the difference.

It’s like the more like poo a coffee smells, the fancier it is. Illustrated in the following equation:

P(x) = F(x)²

Where P is the value of how poo-like the coffee is (0 - 14 on the poo-H scale, where 0 is acidic poo and 14 is basic poo) and F is fanciness, measured in Snobs. x, of course, is the coffee, and is not necessary to the equation but I did want it to be represented.

If you’re going to pay $5 for poo coffee when you can easily get better coffee elsewhere for $1 and change, you should proceed immediately to my bank and deposit money into my account.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 25th, 2005 at 7:22 am and is filed under Essays 'n' Rants. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.