The best music video of all time. FUCK YOU, BEYONCE, TAYLOR SWIFT, and KAYNE WEST. Eat a rocket dildo, too.

Hey dude. You fucking RULE.

WHAT? I am in a rock band. Yes, a real one.

COBRADESTROYS.COM is its site. It is almost as awesome as the band itself.

Is with these other people named Shaun Hatton?

It’s where I be. Where? Here.

Oh, and here’s a cool flickr slideshow.

My resolution is to be better, stronger, faster.

Movie theatres are places that I loathe going to, no matter which movie it is I’m going to see. The last flick I caught in theatres was The Dark Knight, and I saw it four times in various theatres. The last time was in Imax, and it was spectacular.

It’s not that I don’t like watching movies on the big screen. I love it! What I don’t like, as you might be able to figure out based on your experience alone, is the fact that other theatregoers are typically not the most considerate of people. There are chair-kickers who don’t stop even if you ask them nicely; there are people who need every little thing explained to them by their all-knowing friends; there are kids who use their cell phones and talk constantly throughout the film; there are people who take their babies to rated-R flicks; and yes, there are even people who fall asleep and snore loudly.

And that’s just the annoying people at theatres. Other problems they face include poorly maintained cinemas with sticky floors, broken seats, dirty screens, and malfunctioning projectors. Then on top of all that, if you want a good seat and show up a half hour early, you have to watch the same five-minute-long commercial reel on repeat. When you think the movie is about to start, you have to watch 15 minutes of additional commercials. Listen, dicks, I know what Coca-Cola is, all right? And I don’t want another car, thanks. I don’t care how many ageing hipsters are dancing in this pseudo music video advertising it.

Of course, we’re advertised to everywhere because the world is run by one thing, above all else: money. Theatre owners need it to stay in business, and no matter how much syrup water they sell for five bucks a litre, they still make more with these commercials. And that’s a concept I can live with. What gets to me is that none of this money apparently makes it back into the maintenance of said theatres. All commercial movie theatres, no matter how pristine they are on opening day, eventually succumb to being dirty shit shacks full of uncouth, unruly jerks.

In fact, the only times I’ve gone to see a movie and not had to deal with annoying people or an otherwise crappy environment were for seeing movies at the Toronto International Film Festival. Tickets for the movies cost around $40 a pop, and they’re played in higher-end theatres, which is nice. But it’s also a circus and a topic for another editorial.

Today, I read that two Cineplex theatres in the area plan to start serving alcohol and allowing patrons: The Varsity and SilverCity Oakville. Although the idea is still technically up for approval by the Liquor Board, and although under the plan screening rooms that allow for alcohol will be adults-only, I still think this is a bad idea. Many of the jerks in theatres are kids. But there’s also a large proportion of jerk adults spoiling movies for people who actually want to see them. Need I spell it out in math?

Jerk + Booze = Bigger Jerk

Whenever there’s a new movie I want to see, I usually wait for it to come out on DVD because I can’t stand to go to the movies knowing I’ll eventually have to ask someone to either keep quiet or stop kicking my chair. Giving inconsiderate movie-goers easy access to alcohol, as far as I’m concerned, will only make them bigger jerks.

And that’s all I really have to say.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/19/autos.ceo.jets/index.html

Taking private jets to go grovel for taxpayers’ money – why don’t you just light mountains of it on fire? Oh wait, you already have. Your “green” initiatives are laughable. Now that you’re in financial trouble you’re grasping for straws when you could have moved away from gasoline dependence years ago.

The only way you should get even a dime is to do away with the ridiculously inefficient fuel-injection engine and produce – not promise – and engine that will run on the bullshit that comes out of your collective mouths. There certainly is enough of it to put and end to the world’s energy woes.

I’d like to thank Americans for standing up for themselves in the best way possible tonight. I’m very proud of you.