Is with these other people named Shaun Hatton?

It’s where I be. Where? Here.

Oh, and here’s a cool flickr slideshow.

My resolution is to be better, stronger, faster.

Movie theatres are places that I loathe going to, no matter which movie it is I’m going to see. The last flick I caught in theatres was The Dark Knight, and I saw it four times in various theatres. The last time was in Imax, and it was spectacular.

It’s not that I don’t like watching movies on the big screen. I love it! What I don’t like, as you might be able to figure out based on your experience alone, is the fact that other theatregoers are typically not the most considerate of people. There are chair-kickers who don’t stop even if you ask them nicely; there are people who need every little thing explained to them by their all-knowing friends; there are kids who use their cell phones and talk constantly throughout the film; there are people who take their babies to rated-R flicks; and yes, there are even people who fall asleep and snore loudly.

And that’s just the annoying people at theatres. Other problems they face include poorly maintained cinemas with sticky floors, broken seats, dirty screens, and malfunctioning projectors. Then on top of all that, if you want a good seat and show up a half hour early, you have to watch the same five-minute-long commercial reel on repeat. When you think the movie is about to start, you have to watch 15 minutes of additional commercials. Listen, dicks, I know what Coca-Cola is, all right? And I don’t want another car, thanks. I don’t care how many ageing hipsters are dancing in this pseudo music video advertising it.

Of course, we’re advertised to everywhere because the world is run by one thing, above all else: money. Theatre owners need it to stay in business, and no matter how much syrup water they sell for five bucks a litre, they still make more with these commercials. And that’s a concept I can live with. What gets to me is that none of this money apparently makes it back into the maintenance of said theatres. All commercial movie theatres, no matter how pristine they are on opening day, eventually succumb to being dirty shit shacks full of uncouth, unruly jerks.

In fact, the only times I’ve gone to see a movie and not had to deal with annoying people or an otherwise crappy environment were for seeing movies at the Toronto International Film Festival. Tickets for the movies cost around $40 a pop, and they’re played in higher-end theatres, which is nice. But it’s also a circus and a topic for another editorial.

Today, I read that two Cineplex theatres in the area plan to start serving alcohol and allowing patrons: The Varsity and SilverCity Oakville. Although the idea is still technically up for approval by the Liquor Board, and although under the plan screening rooms that allow for alcohol will be adults-only, I still think this is a bad idea. Many of the jerks in theatres are kids. But there’s also a large proportion of jerk adults spoiling movies for people who actually want to see them. Need I spell it out in math?

Jerk + Booze = Bigger Jerk

Whenever there’s a new movie I want to see, I usually wait for it to come out on DVD because I can’t stand to go to the movies knowing I’ll eventually have to ask someone to either keep quiet or stop kicking my chair. Giving inconsiderate movie-goers easy access to alcohol, as far as I’m concerned, will only make them bigger jerks.

And that’s all I really have to say.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/19/autos.ceo.jets/index.html

Taking private jets to go grovel for taxpayers’ money - why don’t you just light mountains of it on fire? Oh wait, you already have. Your “green” initiatives are laughable. Now that you’re in financial trouble you’re grasping for straws when you could have moved away from gasoline dependence years ago.

The only way you should get even a dime is to do away with the ridiculously inefficient fuel-injection engine and produce - not promise - and engine that will run on the bullshit that comes out of your collective mouths. There certainly is enough of it to put and end to the world’s energy woes.

I’d like to thank Americans for standing up for themselves in the best way possible tonight. I’m very proud of you.

AND FOR CLARIFICATION:

US Treaty with Tripoli, 1796-1797
Authored by American diplomat Joel Barlow in 1796, the following treaty was sent to the floor of the Senate, June 7, 1797, where it was read aloud in its entirety and unanimously approved. John Adams, having seen the treaty, signed it and proudly proclaimed it to the Nation.

Art. 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

From: http://www.stephenjaygould.org/ctrl/treaty_tripoli.html

I think I have a few things figured out. First of all, it’s entirely possible that capitalism, while a social mechanic that has worked so far, is actually full of bullshit. I have noticed that the fulcrum of it seems to be the exploitation of those in underdeveloped countries. That said, I don’t believe that anything can be done about it until the system collapses on itself on its own - which will eventually happen, I’m sure of it.

It’s something I’m not worried about. I have nothing to lose. I’ve accepted that given the current way the world is run, I will not get to retire. I’m okay with this, because I can’t conceive a world where I’m not somehow doing something. And I’m quite happy with my job. I get to play video games there, dammit! That’s pretty good. What I have a problem with, however, is the idea of the “American” dream which in reality is just a lie to get people to play nice. YOU can have that house. YOU can have 2.5 kids, the sports car, and a trophy wife! YOU CAN BE PRESIDENT!

Oh, but you will have a heavy financial debt that causes sleepless nights, high anxiety, and can potentially ruin your life! BUT YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN OWN EVERYTHING WE TELL YOU YOU NEED!

And so we have a great financial crisis. There are lower lows and some rebounding back but I have to wonder if the first law of thermodynamics can be applied to economics, only replace the word “energy” with “money.” It makes perfect sense to me. You can’t get something from nothing, and these suits are learning it the same way a child really learns that a stove burner can get hot.

“Someone somewhere is keeping track of what every pencil costs,
But he cares not for the human resources that he exhausts”

- From the song “Lovers Beware” on the album Flashy by Electric Six.

So: A man dressed as a monkey is employed to scare off monkeys who cause all kinds of mischief, which apparently includes tearing off seat covers and snatching bananas away from passengers.

What I want to know from these victims is this: You’re going to a train station that’s infested with MONKEYS, and you’re taking BANANAS? I don’t want to be one of those guys who are all “What did you think was going to happen?” but seriously, what did you think was going to happen?